The most exciting thing I’ve bought this month? This H-O-T monokini from Target. I seriously did it, ladies. I paid $29.99 for this ridiculous bathing suit that has had me laughing for two full weeks. (As a side note, I’m just glad this Target model has her crotch in-tact).
I was casually perusing the aisles of Target when this suit caught my eye. I did a double-take. Because it was truly unbelievable and totally picture-worthy. So I took a photo and posted it to my personal Facebook page asking who was going to be the first mom to sport it at our community pool. The post had 18 Likes and 22 (HI-larious) Comments.
Later that evening (after a glass of wine or two), I made the following statement on FB:
“You realize I must now buy this suit. Take a selfie in it. And blog about how fabulous it makes me feel. Perhaps it will be my first reader give-away. YOU could win. I’m doing it. Stay tuned.”
Because I don’t make promises I can’t keep, I went back to Target two days later. The same Target that had a handful of these monokinis the first time I spotted them. And there was only one left. In size XS.
I bought it.
As I was checking out, the sales associate commented: “This is the second one of these I’ve sold this morning.” I told her I was a blogger. And I was only purchasing it because it is SO RIDICULOUS. Her response? “Really? I think it’s cute.”
And that’s one of the many problems we face as women today. I am here to tell you – there is no reason to wear a monokini. EVER. No matter how flattering they are on the models of Victoria’s Secret, these are not for suburban motherhood. Please. Don’t do it.
The wildfire commentary about the monokini spread on my Facebook page. I recently had a friend post this suit on my wall from Forever 21 (yes, this too is a monokini):
And another friend today posted a picture of the Target monokini from Bellevue, WA.
I love the shout outs!
But now that I own the suit, it’s going to get some leverage. I’m currently working on a post: Five Reasons You Should Buy a Monokini, that I’m going to pitch to Jill over at Scary Mommy (like never having to worry about losing the bottom of your suit). And I may just do my first Vlog for Mama Kat while wearing it. It’s that disgusting.
So, without further ado…here are the selfies:
I should note, the sunglasses were photo-shopped in to make me look super-hip – HIP, get it??? Obviously, that was the only part of the picture that was photo-shopped. I normally don’t wear shades in my walk-in closet – even while trying on monokinis.
My husband saw this picture and said, “A suit that creates Muffin Top AND Camel Toe?”
Now for the side-view:
More photo-shopped shades. I had to pose so this wasn’t an R-rated post. And those are my panties hanging out. Obviously, I was challenged to fit everything into the XS suit.
Trust me, this is not the last you’ve seen of this little number. She’s simply making her debut.
P.S. As mentioned, I am wearing undergarments in the photo, so if you’re seriously interested in winning this conversation piece of Eat Clean. Live Dirty. blogging history, enter your name in the comments section.
Live Dirty, people. Live Dirty. But not in a Monokini.
I love linking up with Mama Kat.
The Most Exciting Thing You’ve Purchased This Month