Navigating the School Year When You Can’t Stand Your Kid’s Teacher

Most parents and teachers have the same goal every year. Most parents want their children to have the best year possible, and most teachers want all the children in their classrooms to enjoy learning. However, teaching styles, personalities, and other issues sometimes arise in the classroom. When this happens, it can make the year difficult for the child. It’s common for adults to have their own horror stories from their time in the classroom. Tales about that teacher who just didn’t like you or the one who wouldn’t let you go to the bathroom. What happened after? You had an accident and embarrassed yourself in front of your peers. No parent wants their child to have a challenging school year or have stories like this to impact them. But how exactly do you navigate the school year when you can’t stand your kid's teacher?  

If you find yourself in a position where you can’t stand your child’s teacher, there are some steps you can take. As parents, our first instinct may be to go on the defensive or criticize the teacher openly and publicly. However, if your end goal is to make things better for your child, avoiding both reactions is necessary, at least initially.  

First, you must figure out why you can’t stand your kid’s teacher. Is it because they give challenging homework? Does your child say their teacher is mean and doesn’t like them? What type of issues is your child having in the classroom? Also, is it just you that can't stand the teacher? Or does your child have the same feelings?
 
The first step is to pinpoint exactly why you feel like you are. It could be a clash of personalities or values. Perhaps the teacher gives challenging homework because they know children can rise to the occasion. Additionally, maybe you just don't like the teacher because their personality and yours clash. If this is the case, sometimes it’s best to sit back and observe how it all plays out.  
 
However, if something else is going on, such as your child being singled out, then that requires more action.  

Next, talk to your child. Keep an open line of communication with your child during the school year. They may not tell you right away if something is going on. However, if you have that open line of communication, you most likely will learn what is going on in the classroom, even if the school doesn’t tell you.  
 
If your child doesn’t openly talk to you about issues, you can give them opportunities to do so through writing or drawing.  
 
You may be able to get a good picture from your child’s point of view and piece together what may be going on. Is your child upset because they don't like the teacher’s teaching style? Is the teacher saying offensive things towards your child that are concerning? It is important to pinpoint why your child is unhappy or doesn’t like their teacher. Doing so can help you decide whether or not you need to take further action.  

After narrowing down your concerns and talking to your child, now is the time to investigate the issues. As parents, our first reaction is often to become defensive. However, keeping an open mind is critical. Every parent needs to consider that it’s possible the teacher is not the problem. 
 
It’s important to consider a few things before you schedule that parent-teacher conference. Rule out any vision, hearing, or sensory issues that your child may be having. If these problems arise, it can make their time in the classroom more difficult.
 
Additionally, you can consider any learning disabilities and the need for special education services. If you address these areas, and your child is still having problems in the classroom, then it’s time to schedule a parent-teacher conference.

Before you reach out to the teacher, be sure you have documentation of any issues that have arisen. Does it have to do with homework? Or emails that the teacher has sent to you about your child? Be sure to keep a record of anything and everything.  

Parents should always be their child’s biggest advocates. However, make sure to always keep an open mind before communicating with your child’s teacher. The issues that have arisen could very well be a misunderstanding.  
 
Therefore, don’t immediately go on the defensive while advocating for your child. You and the teacher most likely have the same goal: to ensure that your child has the best year possible.

Talking to the teacher before going to the administration is an important step. You will be able to see things from the teacher's perspective and it can give you a sense of what is truly going on in the classroom. Keeping an open mind can prepare you for the very real fact that the teacher may not be the problem. If this is the case, and your child is the one who is being disruptive in class or has a bad attitude, then that information will be easier to receive with an open mind.  
 
However, as their parent, you will most likely be able to discern what is truly going on when you have both your child’s side and the teacher’s side.  

Choose what form of communication you want to use when contacting your child’s teacher. Email may be quicker and better for minor issues. However, sometimes meaning gets lost in translation through emails. Therefore, a face-to-face parent-teacher conference may help you and the teacher resolve the issues more quickly.  

When you are ready to communicate with your child’s teacher, start by giving the teacher the benefit of the doubt. Not everyone gets along, and that is okay. That doesn’t mean your child’s teacher isn’t excellent at their job. It may just mean their personality doesn’t mesh well with yours or your child’s. If you find that this is the real issue, just differing personalities, then it's probably best just to ride out the school year while trying to keep a positive attitude.
 
Go into the conference with an open mind and prepare to give your child’s teacher the benefit of the doubt.  

After talking to your child’s teacher, assess what steps should be taken next. Do you feel the issues are just a matter of different personalities, teaching style preferences, or the teacher having higher expectations than what your child is used to? If this is the case, you can teach your child how to cope with a teacher they don’t like. 

In reality, every person has to deal with someone they may not like. This can be an opportunity to help your child learn how to cope. Even adults have bosses or co-workers that may rub them the wrong way. They still have to learn to work together. Help your child learn to cope by teaching them how to: 

• Have an open mind
• Continue to be respectful
• Try their hardest on their schoolwork
• Focus on their education and not their dislike for their teacher
• Walk into every day with a positive attitude, this can change their outlook

If you are unsure of your next steps, it’s okay to take a step back and wait.  

While you wait to assess the situation further, keep an eye out for red flags. Some red flags from the teacher to look out for are: 

• Criticizing your parenting skills constantly
• Micromanaging a child’s home life (constantly telling the parent what needs to be done at home) 
• Your child is constantly unhappy at school despite learning how to cope 
• The child is reluctant to go to school
• Your child has a stomachache more often than not before going to school (this may also indicate issues with people other than the teacher) 
• Your child is being scolded by the teacher all the time
• The teacher is indifferent to you when you bring up concerns
• Leaving rude comments on your child’s work
• The teacher is constantly criticizing a child’s abilities
• The teacher is mocking or making rude comments to the child publicly or privately

If you have exhausted talking to the teacher and you are still seeing red flags everywhere, now is the time to talk to the administration. Schedule a meeting with the principal. Remember to keep the defensiveness at bay when you walk in there, but still advocate strongly for your child.  
 
Bring the documentation you have kept to your meeting. This can include any emails from the teacher and comments that the teacher has left on your child’s work. Let the principal know you have tried to resolve these issues with the teacher but have gotten nowhere.  

It’s also possible to schedule a meeting with the principal and the teacher together if that’s the route you want to take. However, sometimes it's better to just talk to the administration alone at first.

After talking to the principal, requesting your child be moved to another classroom is absolutely okay. This step may resolve any issues your child has with their current teacher.

It’s possible that once the move has been made, your kid will become happier. It’s difficult for any child to learn in an environment where they are constantly criticized or singled out. So, if you have found this is the case with your child’s teacher, then asking for a change in the classroom is absolutely within your right as a parent.  

What do you do if you find that not just your child’s teacher but that the whole school is the problem? If this is the case, you can always remove your child from the school and place them in a different school.  
 
It’s possible that this specific school is not a great fit for your child, but maybe they will thrive at a different one. As a parent, it’s okay to explore all your options to ensure that your child is getting the best education possible.  

As parents, we want our children to thrive and have the best years they can in school. However, when issues arise with a child’s teacher it can make it challenging for your child to learn at their fullest capability. 

You may not be able to stand your kid’s teacher for many reasons. Sometimes, it’s a matter of different personalities and opinions and nothing more. Other times, it’s apparent that your child’s teacher doesn’t like them and can’t control their urge to single them out.  

If you can’t stand your kid’s teacher, it’s always important to give the teacher the benefit of the doubt. After all, many of them have over 20 kids every day. Being responsible for the education of this many children is no easy task. Sometimes, your child may be having the issues. As parents, we must consider all the factors in these situations. However, no matter the reason, there are specific steps you can take while navigating the school year when you can’t stand your kid’s teacher.