5 Signs Your Teen May Be Having Sex (and How to Handle It)

As the parent of a teenager, having a conversation with your teen about their sexual activity likely isn’t a conversation you look forward to. Still, if you have reason to suspect that your teen may be having sex, it may be time to have a conversation with them about it.

Even if you’re struggling with communication or feeling distant from your teen, your presence in their life is vital to help them have healthy relationships. If you suspect your teen may be getting physically involved with someone, there are steps you need to take as a parent to build trust and ensure that they’re making safe choices. If you’re not sure how to tell, here are 5 signs your teen may be having sex and what you can do about it.

This is likely a question that has crossed your mind at some point if you’re navigating the teenage years. If you’re starting to wonder if your teen is sexually active, it may be time to see if there are signs that this might be happening. Before you look at the potential signs of sexual activity or start interrogating your teen, it’s important to remember that the goal is for your teen to feel comfortable coming to you with any questions about this topic. It may feel like communication may be lacking between you and your child during the teenage years, but ignoring the issue won’t help your relationship with your teen.

Although the percentage of sexually active teens has declined in recent years, engaging in sexual activity is still common among teenagers. According to a report from the CDC, more than 20% of teens were currently sexually active as of 2021 and 30% of teens claimed they had sex at least once in the past. Additionally, 6% of high school students had four or more sexual partners. When it comes to safe sex practices, only 52% of sexually active high school students used a condom and 33% of high school students used some form of hormonal birth control. Even if it’s an uncomfortable topic to approach with your teen, considering the percentage of sexually active teens, it’s an important conversation to have.

If your teen has started having sex, there’s a good chance you may not know about it at first, even if you have a strong relationship with them. It may be frustrating as a parent, but not asking you for help or communicating with you about certain areas of their life is a common teenage behavior. The good news is that even though they may not communicate it with you right away, there may be some signs that indicate your teen has become sexually active. Some of these signs could also mean something else is going on, but if you notice any of these 5 signs, it’s time to have an open conversation with your teenager.

The first thing you might notice if your teen is having sex is a sudden change in their behavior. Many different events can affect your teenager’s behavior and they’re not all related to sexual activity. For example, hormonal changes in your teen can lead to moodiness and other unpleasant behaviors. However, if they seem to be more distant than usual or they act strange when you ask them questions about what they’re doing, where they’re going, or who they’re spending time with, there’s a good chance something is going on.

If you have a close relationship with your teen, they’ll likely want to know where you’re going and when you’ll be back. However, if they all of a sudden want to know all the times that you won’t be around and seem interested in having a lot of time to themselves, there may be a reason for that. If they’re sneaking around with a romantic partner, they may be trying to take advantage of the times that you won’t be monitoring their behavior.

Obsessing over their appearance is another behavior that can be normal with teenagers. As the desire to fit in increases, you might find them obsessing over what they look like and what they wear. If your teen seems to all of a sudden have an unusual interest in their appearance or be stressed about what they look like all the time, this could be a sign that they have a romantic interest. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re having sex with this person, but it may be time to have a conversation about their love life.

Many teenagers struggle to pay attention and keep up with their schoolwork. If your teenager’s grades are slipping, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re engaging in sexual behaviors, but it might be concerning if your teen was previously a good student. There could be numerous reasons for them falling behind in their schoolwork all of a sudden, but if you notice a sudden shift in your teen’s priorities, it’s worth seeing if there’s something else on their mind.

Even as adults, most of us can remember our angsty teenage years and how our emotions often got the best of us. Your teen keeping to themselves isn’t necessarily unusual behavior at their age, but it can be concerning if it seems to come out of nowhere. If your teen is all of a sudden much more distant or secretive than normal, or they seem to be isolating themselves away from the rest of the family, it’s time to check in and see what’s going on.

If you suspect your teen may be having sex because of some of the signs you’ve noticed, it’s not something you can ignore. Whether your intention in discussing it with them is to ensure they’re safe or you’re concerned about who they may be spending time with, it’s important to keep in mind that this conversation is likely as uncomfortable for them, if not more uncomfortable, than it is for you. Be intentional about how you approach the topic and consider ahead of time what type of conversation may be most beneficial for your teen.

There are many ways you can start a conversation with your teen about their sexual activity. As their parent, you likely know best what type of communication will work best for them. One option is to ask them directly, which may be effective if you suspect that they’ll be honest and upfront with you. If you think they might try to hide their sexual activity, you can ask more casually about how they feel about sex, and ask if any of their friends have started having sex to get a feel for their reaction. No matter how you bring up the topic, try to approach the conversation with curiosity instead of making accusations.

If you discover that your teen is either having sex or considering having sex, their safety is likely one of your main concerns. The CDC reported that out of the reasons teenagers stated for not having sex, they were least likely to say it was because they didn’t want to get an STD. Considering many teens don’t think about the consequences that may come with being sexually active, this is a vital conversation to have. Not only should you discuss safe sex practices, but you should also have a conversation about consent and ensure they're not being pressured by someone else.

If you find out your teenager is having sex, you might start to feel like you don’t know them as well as you thought you did. While you can’t go back in time, you can use this discovery as an opportunity to ensure you’re involved in their life. This doesn’t mean that you have to monitor their every move, but you could make an effort to get to know the people closest to them. The more involved you are in the life of your teen, the more comfortable they’ll feel talking to you about issues like this in the future.