The Monokini Revisited

Spurred by my original post, this blog (at least the Live Dirty part) has been continually linked to The Monokini.  The same post that led my brother to ask, “WHY would you EVER do that?” (as in pose in a monokini). And go on to say, “You’re crazy.”

Since then, my readers have been most gracious in submitting pictures of people in monokinis from public pools and beaches across America (not kidding).  Always accompanied with warm wishes like, “This made me think of you.”

Including this photo spread.  Seriously, I’m not even going there… There's more…

No Fly Zone: Mosquitoes

I was in Missouri for two weeks after my dad passed away.  My stay was marked by shared memories and checking off To Do lists and quality time with my mom and extended family.  Goodness, as I like to say.

Missouri is nostalgic for me.  I will always consider it home.  I can’t imagine a better place to grow up.  I feel the need to emphasize just how much I love Missouri – because quite frankly, I think it’s gotten a bad rap lately (no thanks to Gillian Flynn). Missouri has rolling hills and peaceful lakes and the Mighty Mississippi and Budweiser and Busch Light.  There are beautiful landmarks.  The sounds of nature sing on summer nights and create an impressive chorus of bull frogs and cicadas.  And it boasts the kindest, most genuine people I’ve ever met. There's more…

The Monokini

Target MonokiniThe most exciting thing I’ve bought this month?  This H-O-T monokini from Target.  I seriously did it, ladies.  I paid $29.99 for this ridiculous bathing suit that has had me laughing for two full weeks. (As a side note, I’m just glad this Target model has her crotch in-tact).

Background:
I was casually perusing the aisles of Target when this suit caught my eye.  I did a double-take. Because it was truly unbelievable and totally picture-worthy.  So I took a photo and posted it to my personal Facebook page asking who was going to be the first mom to sport it at our community pool.  The post had 18 Likes and 22 (HI-larious) Comments. There's more…

My Life in Facebook Posts

FacebookI am once again participating in Mama Kat’s (Pretty Much World Famous) Writer’s Workshop.  She’s a funny gal and I’m particularly fond of her most recent vlog post on the Vanilla Vodka ChaiCheck her out.

Over the past six years, I have documented my life on Facebook. Mostly the comical parts – because good or bad, that’s what I want to remember. Motherhood makes me HaPpY (and tired).  My boys make me HaPpY (and tired).  And looking back at Facebook posts over the past five years makes me HaPpY (and tired).  Here are some of the highlights – though some may consider them lowlights – of my wonderfully fun and poop-filled life. There's more…

Cleaning a Dirty House

I have the privilege of seeing what search terms people use to land on my website.  Some poor soul recently searched:  “Cleaning a Dirty House.”  And stumbled upon Eat Clean. Live Dirty.  Obviously, that was a terribly wrong turn.

Speaking of cleaning a dirty house…

Out with the Old

Out with the Old

I mentioned in a previous post that there was a ring around our upstairs toilet base that caused some suspicion.  At first we thought the toilet was leaking.  Then we decided it was simply pee.  From three little Dirty misdirected fire hoses. That kept getting pee’d on.  And eventually resulted in a dark brown circle under the caulk that elbow grease and bleach wouldn’t touch.

Live Dirty. There's more…

Athletic Leaks (or peeing myself during workouts)

Live DirtyI bought these super cute Nike workout pants two years ago.  I wore them to a bootcamp class one time.  The kind of 60-minute hell that combines high impact cardio exercises and weight lifting.  At some point during jumping rope or jumping jacks – possibly both, I peed myself.  To the point that my entire crotch area was torrentially soaked.  And since these are GRAY pants, there was no hiding it.  I spent the next YEAR wearing Columbia Sportswear Run Some More Skort Leggings whenever I did plyometrics – or any activity that made my boobies jiggle in my sports bra. Because that also meant tinkle would trickle down my leg. There's more…

This Ain’t No Pinterest House

We recently had a friend of Abe’s over for the first time. As always in our house, play was loud and lively. They shot indoor basketball and Nerf guns.  They snacked and crumbled.  They took the cushions off the couch to build forts. And later used the cushions as trampolines to dunk the basketball.

When Friend’s mom came to pick Friend up, she seemed mortified to see the aftermath of pillows, blankets, and balls that spanned the floor. I figured this would be second-hat to her. After all, she has boys of her own. But she kept apologizing for the mess. I assured her my house looks like this every day. EVERY DAY. It had nothing to do with her son.  And eventually The Dirties would have their chance to help clean the clutter. There's more…

Sunny Side Up

Sunny Side Up

Poolside. Prime Time Swimming Hours. Only a few folks braved the clouds and cool temperatures.

Dave and I are in Hawaii this week pre-celebrating our ten year anniversary. You know, beautifully warm and sunny Hawaii? “Pre” scheduled as a great escape from the Portland winter rain. But when our plane landed in Kona yesterday, it was raining buckets. Sideways. According to the forecast, it was supposed to clear up today by noon. But as I sit poolside in my cargo pants and sweater, I’m quite certain the sun is not going to shine today. Maybe tomorrow. Definitely by the time we leave on Friday*. There's more…

About a Boy

There are a few things I’ve learned about boys over the past seven years.  I’m sure these early rants won’t compare to the things I’ll learn in the next seven years.  But here goes:

A crime scene?  Nope.  Just an unidentified stain on our living room chair.

A crime scene? Nope. Just our living room chair.

The crappier your house is prior to having boys, the better.  IT IS GOING TO GET DESTROYED.  Buy furniture second-hand.  Avoid light colors.  Use plastic corner protectors throughout your house.  Brace, fortify, and secure all shelves, doors, and window blinds.  Become a master of drywall plug, patch, and texture – or have a handyman on speed dial.

Do not waste money investing in toys.  The only things you need are empty refrigerator boxes, PVC piping, yarn, duct tape, and bubble wrap. There's more…

Brotherly Love

There was an adorable video posted several years ago that showed toddler twins communicating.  In their own special language.  It was endearingly cute and drew mass media attention.

My twins were around the same age at the time the video went viral.  My experience in watching my boys communicate was (and still is) very different.  Their special language goes something like this:
There's more…